When I hear the word capture or captivate I think about capturing someone’s attention as a writer or painting something very specific for a customer.
It’s amazing to me how the Lord has captivated me in the past 3 years. I can point to specific moments where He stretched me spiritually, physically, emotionally, and artistically.
Artistically? How has the Lord stretched you artistically?
Well, there for about a year and a half I completely stopped painting in my studio. I had lost confidence in myself and was pressuring myself to create something worthy to sell. Art had become work and when that happened I lost all the joy of creating. It just wasn’t appealing to me anymore. But I still went to art lessons every week in 2019-2020. In 2020, I finished 10 paintings.
In November of 2020, I decided to do a painting of my hands with paint on them. While my hands were very challenging to draw and paint, I was determined to continue each week until I finished it — whether I could see what I was doing or not!
Last year I finished two other portraits of my hands and I realized I couldn’t capture in my paintings the fact that I had dystonia. I couldn’t even capture it in the self-portrait I painted in September.
I found that so interesting. The thing I’ve been striving to accept for years (Dystonia) I can’t capture on a canvas. There aren’t any shades of tightness in all the myriad of colors. Although, if there were a color that portrayed tightness it would be bold, bright and intense. The color that comes to my mind is chartreuse.
I realized this in December of 2021, the month where most of us are focused on what gifts to give people on Christmas and we’re shocked another year is almost over.
Anyways, one day I woke up with nine little words repeating over and over in my head.
“Oh God, you have been so good to me…”
It’s been years since I’ve thought about this chorus. I wrote this chorus as a 12-year-old for my mom and asked our music leader to put it to music.
That day when those words came to my mind I began to sob because, once I figured out how old I had been at the time, I realized I had also written it to encourage myself to keep depending on God.
I didn’t know what the next 17 years held when I typed out those words on the computer. I also didn’t know technology would advance so much I’d be able to share my story online and on several social media platforms. Plus how I would be able to communicate better with my family and friends. Or be able to connect with other writers and people living with dystonia. When I think about this, my heart is filled with gratitude.
As I look back and see how far I’ve come in life from 17 years ago or to 3 years ago, it’s evident spiritual growth has happened. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago. Hallelujah! My confidence in and dependence on God have grown. The thoughts I think about God, others and myself will continue to grow and mature. I’m so thankful to know that whatever I face in the future He will be right there listening and directing me through every mile.
2 Corinthians 4:16 says, “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”
How is your spiritual life doing?
Are you in a dry time where it seems like you’re alone?
Or are you on a mountain top where you’re relationship is flourishing?
How has the Lord captivated you this month?
Wherever you are right now, know this—the Lord is always with you, even when it seems like He’s not.
I hope this chorus will encourage you today. You can listen to my mom playing it on my Instagram page @abigailbrownwrites. While you’re there, follow me to get more encouraging content.
Written by Abigail Brown
Music by Jason Jett
Oh God, you have been so good to me,
helping, caring, watching over me.
Oh Lord, I love you in the trials, listening, directing me through every mile.
Almighty God, you hear me when I cry,
and know each word I speak,
you’ll be enough for me.
You are my constant guide,
and you always hear the cry of your child!
Because you died for me I’ll spread the Gospel free.
So others may believe you are the Great I Am,
Lord of Lords,
and King of Kings.