But Today I’m Focusing On…

I’ve been getting Christian-based life coaching for about 3 months now. We meet on Zoom once a week. My coach has been helping me transform my thinking. She reveals to me how I’m thinking by the conversations we have. Last week, I asked the question, “Why do I keep blaming everything that’s difficult on dystonia?”

I realize now that I’ve been blaming the difficult things in my life on dystonia. Here are a few of the things I blame on dystonia: being single, not being invited to an activity, not going to church on Wednesday nights when I’m tight, and avoiding writing and painting when I’m tight. I’ve learned I have been using default phrases like: dystonia is a gift, I’m not a victim of dystonia, and dystonia is a privilege. These are all things I’ve wanted to believe but deep down I don’t believe them. I think I’ve accepted dystonia to a point but I haven’t accepted it for better or worse. It’s been my constant companion; it’s with me year after year. I blame it for the way my life is going. Like I’ve said in the past, “My life would be much easier if I didn’t have dystonia.” Or “I would have gone to college if I didn’t have dystonia.” Or “I would finish my book faster if I didn’t have dystonia.” Blame, blame, blame—it’s a hard habit to break.

I brought up the topic of dystonia and why I keep blaming it because of the Joni and Friends Ministry Podcast episode titled, “Living Joyfully with Dystonia—Abigail Brown.” I remember seeing it that Thursday and having a bad taste in my mouth because I knew it wasn’t true in my eyes. After a week of pretending to be OK with it, I was open to talking about it, knowing I struggle constantly living with dystonia day after day after day.

My coach and I came up with a plan. Going forward, the plan is that in 10 years or less I want to believe, “I’m joyfully living with dystonia.” And in 5 years or less I want to believe, “I’m alright living with dystonia.” But today I’m just focusing on protecting this seedling of a thought—the fact is, “I’m living with dystonia.” The key word in that sentence is “living” not “dystonia.” I’m living! I’m a Child of God, daughter, sister, aunt, artist, writer, communicator, friend, church member, etc. It just happens to be with dystonia. I’m thankful I am living, but right now I can’t say I’m thankful for dystonia. Just telling myself I live with dystonia brings up a lot of emotions that I’m going to work through on my own. The fact is dystonia isn’t going away anytime soon. I also know I wouldn’t be where I am without the Lord’s allowing dystonia in my life. I know He has a purpose for me even though I struggle with trusting Him and His Timing. But I’m so thankful when I’m weak (and I’m very weak right now and broken over this realization) He is Strong. He will give me the grace and strength to sustain each day.

What about you? Is there something in our life you’ve been blaming? Recognizing it is easy. Breaking the habit is another story. What are you going to decide to focus on today?

5 thoughts on “But Today I’m Focusing On…

  1. Lynn Saint says:

    Your honesty is hard won. I look at areas in my life that I wish were different. If I had ‘t made such and such a decision, things would be different. If only that had not happened, I would have more control over certain events.

    Looking at the tears and sadness, embracing them—seeing that all of it is part of an eternal plan…that keeps me grounded. What happens today has an eternal value. May I grow in greater grace and acceptance of His plan even when today’s outcomes don’t fit in my plans.

    Oh, dear Abby, the right now is hard, so hard to endure. Yet, somehow, God has a gift. I wish so could pour some treasures into your life to help you shine ever brighter. I pray for you, often.

    Sending you an embrace from a distance as I pray you sense His kind eyes resting on you as He nods in understanding and approval.

    With love ❤️ and prayers, precious warrior ❤️❤️❤️🙏❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kingvision1717 says:

    So glad you’re benefitting from a life coach to encourage and support you… Changing one’s thinking patterns takes time and GOD’s grace to grow toward positive life affirming promises found in HIM and life giving ability to think on things pure, true, lovely, noble, excellent, and praiseworthy… You’re a precious treasure being refined in the fire of struggle and suffering to come forth as gold for HIS glory, honor, and praise…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. stutully says:

    Once again God is using your journey to Christlikeness to convict, encourage and inspire grateful folks like me in our own much needed sanctification. Thank you for letting our faithful Lord to turn scars into stars dealing with the often harsh but always sovereignly ordained circumstances of our lives- inescapable and unavoidable.

    Learning the sufficiency of Christ’s promised grace is HARD (2 Cor 12:9) and is perfected ONLY through our weakness! But the joy and freedom that comes from learning to be content not so much in our circumstances as in the One who ordained them, and strengthens us to accomplish all that is his will for us, is more than worth it (Philippians 4:11-13)!

    Praying 2 Thess 1:11-12 always for you dear Abigail🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

  4. Suzie Ohsfeldt says:

    God’s grace is enough.🙌🏼

    You are incredibly precious to let yourself be so vulnerable in order to provoke and encourage your readers.😭

    I love you.🥰

    Liked by 1 person

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